when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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