i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
