I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
