ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
