I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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