I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize