she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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