1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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