There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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