hotel room ftw
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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