just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
3 2 1 whiskey
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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