i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Im part way to drunk.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
