Kiss
Puke
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
