my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
