would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
