We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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