When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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