your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
