So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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