just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
