So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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