It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
