I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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