Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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