As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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