He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
