I can't watch pbs sober anymore
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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