summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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