He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
