dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
