this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
