I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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