he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
