my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
