I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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