it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
