i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
