she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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