A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Couch. On fire.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
