okay pat passed out under dana's car
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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