WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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