so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
