Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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