I want to stick my p in your. b.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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