The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
