Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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