She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize