We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
