I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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