I wish I only lived at night.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
