So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
