just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
