You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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