I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
