Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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