Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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