I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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