I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
