Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
