hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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