Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
