6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
