There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
