just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
