me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
