i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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