I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
