maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
