there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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