btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
