made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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