I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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