a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
