You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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