i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
