haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
