she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
