I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
