He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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