You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
